We Don't Want Anyone but You
by Nickila Scotcio
Summary: *ONE-SHOT* When Steven feels like everyone want's his mom more than him around, he makes the ultimate sacrifice to bring her back. How will the Gems take it? How will Connie and Greg take it? Will Steven come back? Or will it be someone entirely different? Starts somewhere after Cry for Help and before Catch and Release. Contains mentions of Suicide and Depression.


**Hello all!**

 **So, this is just a one-shot I've had on my mind for a while. I don't actually think Steven would poof into his gem if he were seriously hurt, but I think it would be a neato story if he did! (As morbid as that sounds... ID) So, I wrote this little gem.**

 **Any who, I've got a new story I'm working on (Steven Universe related) that I won't start posting until I've finished writing it, for fear of writer's block forcing me to put it on Hiatus (*cough*Like my other story *coughcough*). So far I've finished chapter 14 of about 40, so we're trucking along there. So that's good news.**

 **As always the characters and basic idea of Steven Universe does not belong to me, but instead belongs to Rebecca Sugar.**

 **There are mentions of Suicide and Depression, so if these topics trigger you, I highly suggest you turn around and don't read.**

 **Otherwise, enjoy friends!**

* * *

The night was still and cool. An occasional breeze would rustle Steven's hair, as if trying to sooth the emotional boy. Its efforts were proven fruitless, however, as Steven's uncharacteristically forlorn face fell even further.

Steven sighed and closed his eyes. He rested his elbows on the banister of his porch and put his chin in his hands. With another sigh he slowly opened his eyes, revealing to himself the same image of sand and a wall of black that acts as the sea and sky in daylight.

"…Who are you?" He asked no one. He waited a while for a reply he would never receive. His face sunk further into his hands. "Who _were_ you?"

He slid his forehead into his palms and looked down at the boards of his porch. He stared down at the unforgiving wooden boards. He blinked before changing his view to his stomach.

He stared intently at the area where his belly button would be, as if he was expecting it to give him answers. He only saw his yellow pajama top over where the body part would have been. When nothing happened for a while, Steven frowned.

"What good was it?" He stated more than asked. "Why did you do this?"

Nothing happened.

Steven groaned and stood up. He faced the small house and looked into it through the screen door. It was still and dark inside, making Steven feel slightly uneasy. Steven momentarily attempted to convince himself to go inside and to just forget about his new found anguish, but it was fleeting and to no avail.

He slid down one of the small poles that was supporting the banister of the porch, hitting the wooden boards below with a _thunk_. He sat un-moving, losing himself in space for a short while.

He once again looked down where his belly button would be, only to once again be greeted by the yellow shirt of his pajama set. He furrowed his brow, grabbed the edge of his shirt in his fist, and aggressively lifted it. The object that caused Steven's turmoil was revealed.

The pink gem rested, dormant and unresponsive.

"Why won't you answer me?!" He angrily yelled at it. Several beats of silence passed by before Steven yet again sighed.

"Of course you can't answer me." He sadly stared down at the gem. "You _are_ me."

Steven groaned and lowered his shirt. He slid his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs. He lowered his chin onto his knees and stared sadly into his house.

"I'm nothing like you." He almost whispered. "You were some great, powerful, totally loved gem. And then you just…" Steven took a deep breath. "You just left them. Just like that."

Steven furrowed his brow. "How am I supposed to be like you? I'm nothing like you. I never even knew you and yet…" He trailed off, looking back into the house.

"Everyone expects me to be you." His face fell as he spoke. "I can't be like you. I'm not…" Steven took a shaky breath. "I'm not…"

Steven decided to let himself trail off. A sea scented breeze passed him by, tousling his already messy hair.

Steven felt as if he was going to cry. "I wish I could've met you at least. Then I would know how to act. I would know what to be." He closed his eyes. "I wish… I wish I could give you back."

He opened his eyes, slightly shocked by his wish. He wasn't entirely sure where the question came from, but he soon realized that it made the most sense as a solution.

"They all miss you so much." Steven thought of the three gems. "It's obvious they want you back. Especially Pearl and Amethyst."

Steven held himself tighter. "They talk about you when they think I'm not listening. They give me that sad look when they think I'm not looking." He felt tears well up. "I'm causing them so much pain just by existing."

He sniffled. "I hate it." He felt his chest constrict. "I hate it so much. I hate that I hurt them so much. I hate that I'm not fully human. I hate that I'm not fully a gem. I hate…"

Steven finally felt his tears release themselves and fall down his cheeks. "I hate myself."

He cried. "I hate myself so much! I took you away from them. From all of them! Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, dad…" He hiccupped. "They all miss you so much. They all want you, not me!"

Steven curled into himself and bawled. He cried for the pain he caused his friends and family, he cried for taking his mom away from them all, and he cried for being himself.

After a while Steven's sobs diminished into light sniffles and hiccups with the occasional tear falling after the others.

"I know what I have to do." Steven wiped his nose on the sleeve of his pajama top. "Don't worry everyone. I'll give her back to you."

Resolved, Steven stood up, gathered himself, and walked into the beach house with a sudden level of saddened determination.

* * *

Pearl was the first to exit the temple in the morning. As part of her morning routine (ever since Steven wouldn't allow her to watch him sleep), she would enter Steven's room and either by greeted by him in the kitchen or she would wait for him to wake up.

Today, however, was entirely different.

She walked into the kitchen of Steven's room. Seeing that he wasn't in there made her think that he was still asleep. On the countertop she saw some paper with writing on it. Pearl found this to be peculiar. Letting her curiosity control her, she read the words on the paper.

She quickly wished she hadn't.

With every word Pearl read she felt her heart beat faster. A flood of worry, panic, and despair washed over her by the time she reached the end of the letter.

"Garnet!" She screamed. "Amethyst! Come here! Steven! He's… Oh my stars! Garnet! Amethyst please!"

"What?! What? What's with all the noise?!" Amethyst left the temple, rubbing her eyes and looking around. Garnet soon after left the temple with her gauntlets summoned.

"What is it Pearl?"

"Oh man dude… are you ok…?" Amethyst saw Pearl shaking and crying.

"It's Steven. He… he…"

"What is it Pearl?" Garnet grabbed Pearl's shoulders with now weaponless hands.

Pearl found that words failed her. With shaking hands, Pearl handed the letter to Garnet and sobbed. Amethyst peeked at the letter from Garnet's side, and both of them felt their faces drain.

 _Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Dad,_

 _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I took her away from you. I'm sorry that in the end, I couldn't be the gem my mom once was. I can't stand seeing you all like this anymore. I see how sad I make you all, and I can't help but feel like I've failed you all._

 _Garnet, I know you're quiet about your emotions. I know that you're strong. You make a great leader and an even greater substitute mom. I know that my mom made you feel accepted for what you were for the first time ever. Garnet, I'm sorry I took her away from you._

 _Amethyst, I know you're even quieter about your emotions than Garnet is about hers. I know how upset you get when my mom is brought up. I know that my mom made you feel like you were a real, true gem. And she was right Amethyst. You're better than any kindergartener could ever imagine. Amethyst, I'm sorry I took her away from you._

 _Pearl, I know how you feel about my mom being gone. I know you try but fail to hide how much you miss her. I know how she used to make you feel. You suffer day in and day out quietly, and I want to put that suffering to an end. I want you to be the happy Pearl I once knew and loved. I see the sideways glances and I hear the slip-ups when you call me Rose. Pearl, I'm so, so sorry I took her away from you._

 _Dad, oh dad. I hear it in your voice when you talk about mom. I see the faraway look you have in your eye when you tell me one of your stories about her. I know that my solution to this problem is going to both hurt you and make you happy, but with time you'll forget me, and that'll be a good thing. You deserve to be fully happy with mom, and not just half-happy with a half-human son. Dad, I'm so sorry I took her away from you._

 _Will someone say goodbye to Connie for me? I didn't have the heart to write to her. I didn't know what to say. I just want her to know that I love her, and that I couldn't have asked for a better best friend ever. I hope that her dreams come true and that she becomes a master sword fighter like Pearl._

 _Guys, I'm so sorry I caused you all this pain for the past 13 years. I'm so sorry that you suffered without the person who was clearly better than me 100%. I hate myself for letting you all down. I hate myself for not being like mom. But it's going to be ok! She'll come back to you soon enough, I hope._

 _I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

 _Goodbye._

 _Steven_

* * *

The gems searched beach city for any chance of seeing Steven. After no such luck of finding him in town, they went to Greg's car wash, forlorn.

At first sight of the gems Greg smiled and greeted them. However, once seeing their tired, emotionally beaten faces, Greg's smile fell.

"Where's Steven?" He asked, feeling his heartbeat speed up.

None of the Gems answered him. Garnet stepped forward and handed Greg the crumpled, tear stained letter. Greg's eye quickly scanned each word of the letter. His face progressively fell deeper and deeper before finally, he reached the end of the letter and collapsed.

Greg sobbed, breaking the hearts of the Gems who also began to cry once again.

"Where-" Greg tried to catch his breath between sobs. "Where is he?"

"We… don't know, Greg." Garnet said stoically, trying to remain put together even though her emotions were trying to tear her apart, literally. "We've been searching for him."

"Do you think he actually… oh god!" Greg cried out, fearful that his only son committed the ultimate act on his own life.

"We… we're not sure." Garnet took a shaky breath. Tears were freefalling down her face as she spoke. "We won't know until we either find him or… or his gem…"

Greg held his face in his hands and sobbed uncontrollably. Pearl and Amethyst were as inconsolable as Greg was.

"We have to keep looking. Greg, we'll let you know if we find anything." Garnet said, catching the attention of the three others she was with.

She started to walk away towards their beach home. "Pearl. Amethyst."

The two gems in question wiped their tears away and followed her, the occasional tear escaping from them.

* * *

Eventually they all reached the beach by Steven's house. That's when Pearl saw it. A subtle but definite glint in the sand by the rocks at the bottom of the cliff holding the temple and lighthouse.

"No…" She whispered and stumbled towards the rocks. "No… No. No! No! No! Steven no!" Pearl hysterically cried and ran to the all too familiar glint in the sand. "Steven no! Please no!"

She caught the attention of Amethyst and Garnet who were hot on her heels as they all ran toward the fateful spot. Pearl fell to her knees as the object came into full view. Garnet and Amethyst gasped as they saw what caught Pearl's sight.

A familiar pink gem laid in the sand next to a pile of rocks, proving to the crystal gems that Steven went through with the unspeakable. Pearl covered her mouth as she sobbed. Amethyst fell to her knees and stared at the gem in disbelief. Tears started to roll down her cheeks as she stared.

Garnet felt herself falling apart. Her little boy did the worst thing imaginable, all because it's what he thought _they_ wanted. He still managed to be selfless, even in the end.

Garnet was snapped back into reality by Pearl's wails. She pulled herself together and stepped forward. She leaned down, past Pearl, and tenderly picked up the gem, as if it would break under her grip.

"C'mon gems. Let's get Steven back to the temple." Garnet helped Pearl up. Amethyst stood from where she was and wiped away a few stray tears.

"Do you think he'll come back?"

"I don't know." Garnet admitted, defeated. "We'll just have to wait and see. Let's go."

Amethyst and Pearl followed after her silently, breaking the tense air occasionally with rouge sniffles and shaky breaths.

 _I'm sorry I failed you Rose._ Garnet thought to herself as she trekked back to the temple. She held Steven's gem close to her, afraid to let it go. _I'm sorry I couldn't protect him._

Garnet felt a tear roll down her face. _I'm so sorry, Steven._

* * *

Days came and went. The gems told Greg they had Steven's gem. Greg then contacted Connie, who immediately begged her parents to let her go to Steven's house.

After arguing and deal making, Connie was picked up by Greg and on her way to the temple to see for herself if it was true.

The car ride was mostly silent. Both occupants of the van were too engulfed by their thoughts and worries to chat.

Connie rested her elbow on the shoulder of the van door and held her chin in her hand. She watched other cars and trees rush passed the van from the window. Thoughts of her best friend's wellbeing consumed her.

 _If I'd have known..._ Connie felt tears threaten to well up. _If I knew he felt that way… maybe I could've saved him. Maybe I could've made things better… I wish I could've talked to him that night. Steven…_

"Hey uh, Connie." Greg stopped Connie's train of thought.

"Yes, Mr. Universe?"

Greg knew from the tone of her voice how Connie was feeling. He felt his own heart sink at the realization, feeling horrible that someone so young should feel this kind of emotion.

"It's going to be okay." He reassured her. "Even if he…" Greg gulped, not wanting to finish the sentence.

Images of his happy son flashed through Greg's mind. Every happy moment Greg could remember painted a picture for itself in his head, causing him deeper pain. He thought of Steven's smile, his laugh, he reassuring voice that let Greg know every time he spoke that he loved his dad.

He remembered teaching his son ukulele. He remembered raising Steven. He remembered building Steven's house and how he felt when Steven moved out.

The hurt he felt that day was nothing compared to this.

Greg took a deep breath. "He'll come back to us." He managed a small smile in Connie's direction. "He'll come back and be the Steven we all know and love."

Connie stared at Greg, feeling a deeper sense of sadness fill her. She exhaled through her nose and stared back out her window.

 _I hope he does too._ She closed her eyes, hoping against all hope that Steven was okay.

* * *

Connie and Greg made it to the house sometime later. They silently got out of the van and climbed the steps to Steven's door. Connie politely knocked on the screen door and they waited for an answer.

After a short while Garnet opened the door. Without a word she moved out of their way and walked back into the room. Connie and Greg followed her, entering the eerily silent and uncharacteristically gloomy room.

On the couch sat Amethyst and Pearl. Both looked exhausted and emotionally drained, and they were equally silent. Garnet leaned against the counter and crossed her arms, her face void of any emotion. The tension in the air was so thick that Connie felt like she was suffocating.

"Is that… him?" Greg's voice shattered the fragile silence in the room. Connie directed her attention to the object Greg was pointing out.

On the coffee table in front of Amethyst and Pearl sat a small wicker basket. In it was a small blanket, acting as a pillow for its charge. On top of it was a pink gem. It sat unresponsive, and cause a great amount of pain to those who looked at it.

Connie, upon having her physical evidence, felt her chest tighten. She gasped lightly, wishing she was just in some sort of awful nightmare, but she knew it was fruitless. Tears began to fall as she stared at the pink gem she was so familiar with.

"Yes." Garnet softly replied, confirming Connie's fears.

Connie couldn't control herself. "Will he come back?" She asked, tearful.

Amethyst and Pearl remained unresponsive, as if in their own worlds. Garnet stood stoic as ever, and after a short while Connie figured they weren't going to answer her.

"…We don't know." Pearl replied, shocking Greg and Connie. "We just have to wait and see."

Her voice was lightly hoarse, as if she hadn't spoken in days. Her face looked tired and beaten. It looked as though she ran out of tears. Amethyst looked no better than Pearl. Dark circles lined her eyes.

Connie looked all around her. Greg looked awful, Garnet was monotonous as ever, Pearl and Amethyst looked destroyed, and Lion was nowhere to be found. The entire house was thick with melancholy, and Connie knew that if she didn't do something soon, they would all give up hope.

 _Steven wouldn't want this._ She thought to herself. _Steven would want everyone happy. He'd want smiles and laughter. I have to do something. I have to make some sort of effort. For Steven…_

Hesitantly, Connie moved toward the small basket. No-one moved a muscle as Connie advanced. She fell to her knees gently once she reached the edge of the table. She stared at the gem with a new found hope.

"Don't worry Steven." Connie's voice made Pearl flinch. "You'll come back. When you do, we'll all be here, waiting. We'll all be happy to have you back, and we'll all make you feel better." She looked up at the open-mouthed faces of Pearl and Amethyst.

"It's a promise, Steven." Garnet's voice stunned the others.

Greg smiled lightly. "Yeah buddy. Can't wait to have you back."

"I'll be here for you, Steven." Pearl wiped away a stray tear and felt a new-found surge of determination.

"It's Steven! Who knows what's gonna happen!" Amethyst lightly laughed.

"Take your time." Connie smiled. "We'll be waiting for you."

* * *

Weeks passed by. Life more or less went back to normal. Connie still came by for her sword fighting lessons with Pearl. Every time she entered the small beach house she would say "hi" to Steven's gem.

She would talk to it as if it were Steven himself. She would tell it about her week, about school, a new book she was reading, anything she could think of to tell him. She would always feel a slight tinge of disappointment when she'd enter the house and see his gem instead of him, but she never gave up hope that he would come back one day.

Garnet and Amethyst started going back on missions. They'd offer to take Pearl along, but Pearl couldn't stand to be apart from her leader's and her leader's son's gem. Losing one of them was hard enough. Losing both took its toll on the gem. She still functioned and was well off enough to tutor Connie, but that was about it for the emotionally drained gem.

Amethyst trusted her gut instinct that Steven would come back, but she was losing patience. She would constantly as Garnet what she saw, of which she would get the same reply every time.

"There's an equal chance that Rose or Steven comes back. We just have to wait and see."

Greg occasionally stopped in when he had to drive Connie home. He would look over at the gem on the table and feel the same disappointment Connie felt, but he too knew with time that Steven would come back to them. They would all just have to wait and see.

Then, three and a half weeks after the incident, the wait was over.

Connie left with Greg after sword training just 10 minutes before the gem glowed.

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl were all standing in the kitchen discussing Malachite's whereabouts.

"We can't search the ocean forever." Pearl said, unaware that the gem was glowing.

"Maybe not, but we do kn-" Garnet cut herself off with a gasp, having caught sight of the gem. Amethyst and Pearl, both confused by Garnet's sudden, uncharacteristic gasp, turned around to see what caught her by surprise.

Both of them gasped, seeing the gem floating and beginning to take form.

Tears welled up in Pearl's eyes as her heart pounded painfully in her chest. Amethyst held her breath, mentally begging in a mantra that it would be Steven who came back.

The gem took a final form, and with a flash of light, a solid body took place. It gracefully floated to the floor, and gently landed.

The person looked at all the shocked and sad faces around them, before they looked down at themself. There was a brief but almost painful pause.

"Aw man! I look exactly the same!" Steven's voice broke the gems out of their stupor.

Pearl immediately broke down. She sobbed and held Steven close to her, catching him off guard. Amethyst, with tears running down her cheeks, followed Pearl's lead and held Steven tightly. Garnet joined in as well, tears falling, and engaging the Crystal Gems in a group hug.

"Whoa!" Steven was tousled around a bit in the awkward but safe group hug on the floor. "You- you're all so sad…? I'm sorry! I know I'm not mom! I can fix it though! I can-" Steven was cut off.

"Don't you dare." Pearl said tearfully.

"We're so sorry we made you feel so bad." Amethyst chipped in.

"We don't want anyone but you Steven." Garnet said, holding Steven tighter.

Steven was confused. "But… I'm not mom."

"That's a good thing Steven!" Garnet replied. "We want you. Not Rose, you."

"Don't ever think we want someone else." Amethyst said, holding him tighter.

Steven felt sadness pool into him. In his act to make everyone happy, he realized he only made them feel worse. He held onto the gems with all his might.

"I'm so sorry guys!" His voice was filled with remorse. "I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Don't worry about that now. You're here, that's all that matters." Pearl replied.

* * *

Time flew by before the hug was finally broken up. Steven called his dad on his phone. After a few rings Greg answered, and Steven apologized and let his dad know he was okay. Greg, after initially freaking out, told him he would rush back to the temple, just to see for himself.

Steven and the gems moved to the couch. Once the last of their tears dissolved, Steven spoke.

"Guys… I'm really sorry I hurt you so much. I-"

"Steven, no. We're sorry we hurt _you_ so much." Pearl cut him off.

"Huh?"

"You see, Steven," Garnet explained, "We miss your mother, very much. We're not going to lie about that. She was amazing, our leader, one of a kind. If we could have her back, I'm not going to lie and say that I wouldn't want to see her again."

"But-" Steven tried to cut her off, but Garnet ignored him.

"However, she gave us one thing even better than herself. _You,_ Steven. She gave us _you._ As a sacrifice of her own being. You've taught us everything Rose tried to teach us. You were her greatest gift to us, and if ever you were to disappear, we would be more hurt by that than we would be happy by Rose's return."

Steven felt his cheeks warm. He looked at Pearl and Amethyst, who were nodding along with Garnet's speech. "Guys I…"

The door to the beach house slammed open suddenly. Greg and Connie rushed in, and upon seeing Steven, they both crashed into the small boy on the couch.

"Dad! Connie!" Steven shouted, surprised by their sudden intrusion.

"Steven! You're okay! You're okay!" Greg cried as he held him, repeating himself.

"Steven!" Yelled Connie. "Oh I knew you'd be okay! Oh man you gave me a scare!"

"I'm so sorry Connie. I'm sorry dad!" Steven cried as he held the two humans. "I understand now! I'm sorry!"

"Don't be sorry Steven." Connie laughed as tears fell down her face.

"Yeah buddy, Don't be sorry. _I'm_ sorry. I made you feel that way."

"We all are." Garnet added to Greg's statement, smiling.

"We're just happy to have you back." Steven didn't care who said it, he just hugged everyone as tight as he could, happy to be so loved.

* * *

 **So yeah guys, like I said before new story coming out, but I'm gonna wait to post it until I finished writing it. Hope you all enjoyed! Stay beautiful 3**


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